Archive for March, 2010

Teaching Your Daughter Modesty

Flickr by Norma Desmond

We’ve been hosting an Appleseeds small group at our house for three weeks now. Appleseeds is a mentoring program geared towards preteen girls. Take a look at the Appleseeds book here.  Tonight, we talked about Psalm 139 and how much God knows us and understands us. For the manners sections (each night consists of craft, Bible study, and manner/etiquette sections), we talked about modesty. I wanted to give the girls something tangible to walk away with on the topic of modesty, so we looked at ads/pictures from magazines and talked about whether the women were dressed modestly or immodestly. I was so pleased at how this worked out.

Appleseeds (Apples of Gold Series)

Taking a Look at the Pictures

For the first picture, the woman was dressed pretty modestly, so I was surprised to hear one girl say otherwise. When I asked her to share more about her answer, she explained the girl did not have a nice smile. In fact, the woman had a very seductive look on her face. I was delighted at this unexpected insight. Quickly the other girls picked up on the fact that it’s not just our clothes, it’s also our attitude or the “looks” we give that communicate modesty (or lack of it!).

Modesty Guidelines

As we looked at each picture, we were able to hash out some definite guidelines about modesty: “This girl’s pants are too tight”, “Her shorts are too short”, “Her top is too low”. We were also able to discuss situational modesty. For example, one woman had shorts on which were medium length, but she was swinging on swings. We talked about the fact that the shorts were probably okay, but she should think about whether people could see up them when she was on the swings. So, not only do we need to be careful about what we wear, but also when/where we wear it. The girls were very thoughtful as they looked at the pictures and discussed with each other about the modesty quotient of each picture.

Modesty Affects our Reputation

Of course, we also talked about school and schoolmates and even though these girls are only 10-12, they are very aware of how boys view girls based on what they are wearing. They are very aware of how dress affects your popularity and how you are viewed by teachers and peers.

Our mentor for the night also shared with me a great website for the girls to explore more: Secret Keeper Girl, a great website for preteen and teen girls put out by Dannah Gresh. Be sure to check it out more!

Other Appleseed Posts:

Appleseeds Program Review

Talking to a Parent about the Program

An Undivided Heart

SpyGuy Video a Huge Hit!

Spy Guy Visits the Classroom

We’ve been using a curriculum called “The Zoo” for our midweek program. (This is a wonderful resource for smaller/midsize churches. It’s free!) The curriculum runs in themes, with each theme lasting about three weeks. Currently we’re working on “Secret Agent/Mission Impossible” theme. The lessons call for an amateur video to be shot of “Spy Guy” explaining some things about the Bible. I asked one of the dads to be Spy Guy and not only did he agree, he shot the entire video himself and edited it into a complete masterpiece. I couldn’t believe it! Check it out for yourself below. I was amazed at how involved and ambitious this dad was about this video. (Just goes to show you don’t know what you’ll get until you ask — we have such untapped resources out there!)

The Kids React

We showed the first video and the kids were enthralled. Normally a little rambunctious, the kids took on a studious attitude after hearing Spy Guy’s instructions. They dug into their Bibles and were very interested in finding the memory verse. The next week, the number of Bibles almost doubled and those who didn’t have theirs were begging to use the classroom Bibles. I announced another video and cheers erupted. We had two of our teachers/leaders help with this second video and the kids could not believe that they were actually in the video. They kept asking, “Is that REALLY Mr. Mike in there?” “How did he get in the TV?”. I hadn’t anticipated this, and it was a delightful additional response to the already popular video series. The kids really listened too, and were able to repeat back the “secret message” that Spy Guy was investigating. Next week, Spy Guy is revealed, and I can’t wait to see how the kids respond.

Consider Using Video

If you’re not using video in your program, I would encourage you to try to throw some in where you can. Feel free to use the first Spy Guy video — it could be easily adapted to fit any “learning to study the Bible” lesson. Who knows, maybe you have a real tech-savvy guy in your congregation too and he would love to be involved in the ministry in this way.


More Stuff:

Other Spy Guy Post: Part Two and Part Three

Podcast about Using Video in your Ministry: Children’s Ministry Talk Episode 39

Get Others to Help You


Some further thoughts on Reggie Joiner’s book Think Orange

Family Value #5 Widen the Circle

When Moses delivered the message of Deuteronomy 6, he did not just call the parents in to hear how they are to pass on godly values to their children.  He summoned all of Israel, making this a national issue, a tribal issue, a family issue (70).  Reggie sums it up this way, “If you are a leader, Moses is suggesting that you recognize why it’s important to support the role of the family. If you are a parent, he is implying that the issue of your kids’ relationship with God is not your concern alone” (70).  The church is here to help.  Find some mentors to invest in your child’s life.  Let’s all start thinking Orange together and impact the next generation for Christ in a whole new way!

More in this series:
Putting It Into Practice
The Church’s Responsibility
The Family’s Job
More for the Family
When to Talk to Your Kids about God
Get Others to Help
Think Orange Book Review

When Do I Talk to My Kids About God?


Some further thoughts on Reggie Joiner’s book: Think Orange

Family Value #4 Create A Rhythm

This was one of my favorite sections of this chapter because it gave some hands-on, practical ways to really start building values in children. Reggie dissects Moses’ final speech (Deuteronomy 6) to the Israelites and brings it some modern day application. He puts it this way, “If you are going to impress these truths in the hearts of your children, you will have to be more deliberate about creating a rhythm within your home. In the future, there will be a host of things that will distract you, and it will be easy to drift away from the importance of having an everyday kind of faith” (65). Let’s take a look at the four times Moses mentioned:

1) Sitting (Having Meals Together)

We’ve all heard the statistics on how much meal time can impact a family, even if it’s only scheduled three or four times a week. (In fact, I’m reading a book on that very subject right now — more on that later!). This is the perfect time to talk about the day and pray for things that are occurring in everyone’s lives. (Anyone have some great meal time traditions? I’d love to hear!)

2) Walking (or traveling)

 We all know that talking in the car is a little easier for kids because they don’ t actually have to make eye contact with their parent. According to Moses’ speech, this must have been the case for the Israelites as well. When little Nempa wanted to tell his dad he had stored too much manna for that day, he may have requested they take a little stroll through the desert to do so. Who knows?

3) Lying Down (Bedtime routines)

This is something that can be continued long after children actually need tucked in. I remember sitting on the edge of my parents bed jabbering away (probably for what seemed like hours to them) every night during high school. It was a great time to talk about the day and express whatever concerns I was feeling. Even though I didn’t need this bedtime routine to nod off each night, it certainly was a cherished time (for me at least!) to reconnect with my parents. Don’t lose those crucial moments with your child — you never know what they might need to get off their chest.

4) In the Morning

Now, I don’t know about you, but morning is not my finest hour, especially before the coffee pot has finished brewing. However, Reggie says, “Morning has the potential of planting an important emotional seed in the heart of a child. Just a few encouraging words carefully spoken or written can give your children a sense of value and instill purpose” (67).

Remember, it is not enough to just spend time together as a family. Of course, this is good, but it will not instill the godly values you want your child to be demonstrating. I had a teacher in high school who had a favorite phrase whenever someone laid their head down on their textbook. He said, “You planning on learning through osmosis?” Of course, we can’t learn the contents of a book that way and children can’t learn our internal values just by being close. We have to be intentional, and it starts by incorporating the things listed above into our family rhythm.

More in this series:
Putting It Into Practice
The Church’s Responsibility
The Family’s Job
More for the Family
When to Talk to Your Kids about God
Get Others to Help
Think Orange Book Review

Cultivate A Servant’s Heart in Your Child

Today in Children’s Church, we discussed how Jesus was a servant to his disciples as he humbly washed their feet at the Last Supper. Of course, the application question was “How can we be a servant to others?” The kids were full of great answers as usual — “share your candy”, “be 4th in line”, “be nice to someone”. However, the lesson wasn’t really about servant-like actions, it was about having a servant’s heart. Now, how do we get from actions to a heart-state? Should the application question have been “How do we develop a heart like Jesus?” Is that too much for kids? How do we change the hearts (or set the stage for the Holy Spirit to change hearts) in the kids we minister to? I know as a very churched child growing up a Christian home that I knew all the right answers and actions, but my heart was not right. Do we set kids up for this Pharisatical lifestyle by asking questions about actions? Or is that the only avenue we really have with children?

Making Faith Personal

Family Value #3 Make it Personal

Before I start to shape who I want my children to become, I have to examine my own heart. Before I can ask who my children are becoming, I must examine who I am becoming. Indeed, the author boldly states, “…the greatest thing that could happen in the heart of a child would be what happened in the heart of a parent.” As parents, we are our child’s biggest role models. They imitate us, they look up to us, they reflect the attitudes and beliefs we communicate on a daily basis. It’s not enough to want my children to follow after Christ – I must begin and continue that journey myself.

It’s a sobering thought that as a parent, the way I treat my spouse, the way I treat others, or respond in tough situations all affect the values my children develop (p63). Let’s show our children that relational, emotional, and spiritual growth are priorities in our lives. If we don’t make a relationship with Christ personal, it might never be personal for our kids.

Are we helping the families, the parents, that come into contact with our ministry how to do these things?  This is one method worth further exploration.

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More in this series:
Putting It Into Practice
What is the Church’s Responsibility?
The Family’s Job
More for the Family
When to Talk to Your Kids about God
Get Others to Help
Think Orange Book Review

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