Teaching Your Daughter Modesty

Teaching Your Daughter Modesty

We’ve been hosting an Appleseeds small group at our house for three weeks now. Appleseeds is a mentoring program geared towards preteen girls. Take a look at the Appleseeds book here.  Tonight, we talked about Psalm 139 and how much God knows us and understands us. For the manners sections (each night consists of craft, Bible study, and manner/etiquette sections), we talked about modesty. I wanted to give the girls something tangible to walk away with on the topic of modesty, so we looked at ads/pictures from magazines and talked about whether the women were dressed modestly or immodestly. I was so pleased at how this worked out.

Appleseeds (Apples of Gold Series)

Taking a Look at the Pictures

For the first picture, the woman was dressed pretty modestly, so I was surprised to hear one girl say otherwise. When I asked her to share more about her answer, she explained the girl did not have a nice smile. In fact, the woman had a very seductive look on her face. I was delighted at this unexpected insight. Quickly the other girls picked up on the fact that it’s not just our clothes, it’s also our attitude or the “looks” we give that communicate modesty (or lack of it!).

Modesty Guidelines

As we looked at each picture, we were able to hash out some definite guidelines about modesty: “This girl’s pants are too tight”, “Her shorts are too short”, “Her top is too low”. We were also able to discuss situational modesty. For example, one woman had shorts on which were medium length, but she was swinging on swings. We talked about the fact that the shorts were probably okay, but she should think about whether people could see up them when she was on the swings. So, not only do we need to be careful about what we wear, but also when/where we wear it. The girls were very thoughtful as they looked at the pictures and discussed with each other about the modesty quotient of each picture.

Modesty Affects our Reputation

Of course, we also talked about school and schoolmates and even though these girls are only 10-12, they are very aware of how boys view girls based on what they are wearing. They are very aware of how dress affects your popularity and how you are viewed by teachers and peers.

Our mentor for the night also shared with me a great website for the girls to explore more: Secret Keeper Girl, a great website for preteen and teen girls put out by Dannah Gresh. Be sure to check it out more!

Other Appleseed Posts:

Appleseeds Program Review

Talking to a Parent about the Program

An Undivided Heart

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  1. [...] the boy talk, we focused on purity and modesty. We used the magazine picture exercise I used previously with my Appleseeds group. Again, I think it was a huge success and a great way [...]